maro Lip Schtick: January 2005p

Sunday, January 30, 2005

An even darker Saturday

Yesterday, believe it or not, was just as sucky as Friday.

Following the stuffed toilet, nosebleed and cat puke incidents, things went down hill fast.

The Sooners got their asses kicked by 0-5 Iowa State. Completely brutal.

Then, I realized that my DVR had run out of recording space, hence deleting some Melrose Place re-runs.

To top it all off, I pulled a muscle that started at the base of my skull and ran all the way down my left shoulderblade. Excruciating, to say the least.

Things better start looking up.


Saturday, January 29, 2005

Black Friday

I had a long, trying day yesterday.

First, I am completely backed up at work. Thanks to some jerk in my office who decided the grass was greener elsewhere, we're taking up the slack for him until reinforcements arrive. Don't get me wrong ... I'm happy for the jerk. But my world does, in fact, revolve around me. I don't like having a change in my routine forced upon me. I fear change.

Then, my "Oops I crapped my pants" undergarments were put to the test when I realized I lost my daily planner. I have yet to join the technological age by delving into blackberries and other digital organizers. I like my daily planner that I actually write in. Plus, you can't clip things into a blackberry like bills, stamps, coupons, etc. (yes, coupons ... I'm quite frugal when I put my mind to it).

So, you can imagine my chagrin when I, after tearing my office apart, scouring my car (twice), then driving all the way home (which is actually only about seven minutes from my office) to search, still couldn't find my planner.

I got back to the office and my boss (who is kick-ass, by the way) could tell I had my dander up about something. I was talking in circles, pacing ... you know, the regular "Holy crap, my life (not to mention my house payment that absolutely MUST be mailed today) is in that planner," type behavior.

I finally decided to come clean and admit to her that I couldn't function until I went home again to try to find my planner. She agreed and was quite understanding, as is her nature (thank God).

When I got home, I searched every place I thought it could be ... next to the computer, the kitchen (where I write my bills), my nightstand? But was it in any of those places?

Marco? Po-NO!

I became despondent. What was I going to do?

Then, the lightning bolt hit me. What is it that I do when I first get home? I come in, put my stuff down, and head to the fridge for a refreshing juice box. Hell yes, a juice box! They're awesome!

I thought this was rather funny because a co-worker actually asked me earlier in the day if I checked my refrigerator. I thought at the time, "OK, I may be stupid enough to leave my purse on top of the car and drive away, but not stupid enough to leave my planner in the fridge."

Needless to say, there was almost a sigh of relief when I opened the icebox (miss you, Pa) and saw no sign of my planner.

Ugh! Where was it?

Second lightning bolt. Only this time, I remembered carrying a bag in the night before from a purchase I made (a nice little throw blanket for the foot of the bed that I KNOW my cat will love - yes, I have become the old lady and her cat).

Could it be? Was it in that bag? I shuddered (hey look, Anonymous ... I spelled it correctly this time!) at the possibility. I carefully peeked in, only to find that my beloved planner wasn't inside the bag ... it was underneath it.

EUREKA! I could breathe again! And my house payment would be mailed on time (I'm not about to soil my perfect bill paying record over a slight mishap like losing my planner).

I then happily jumped into my car with a new lease on life and a spring in my step, and got that bad boy to the post office ... OK, I don't usually use the term "bad boy," but here it seemed appropriate. And who cares anyway? I found my planner!

Things were now going great until bedtime. I went to bed a little earlier than usual because, let's face it ... I'm not getting any younger, and losing, searching for, then finding a planner can take a lot out of you.

As soon as I dosed off, I started having weird dreams, which is actually pretty normal for me. But then I had a rather disconcerting dream that Mattel was after me for libel or slander or some sort of crap like that for dissing that big Barbie head thing from my previous post (which was appropriately titled "Nightmare-inducing Barbie").

My first reaction (in the dream) was that Barbie is a public figure, so I can dis her all I want. My second thought was, "Well, hells bells, Mattel! Stop creating toys like 'Scary-ass Barbie,' and people won't make fun of it (or be terrified out of their minds by it, for that matter)."

unbelievable. I'm now dreaming about my stupid blog posts. Sigh.

I'm sure glad yesterday is over.

But seeing as how it's only 12:01 p.m. and I've already managed to stuff up my toilet (don't ask), deal with a nosebleed, and clean up a rather large wad of cat puke, today may not be much better.


Thursday, January 27, 2005

New from Mattel: Nightmare-inducing Barbie!

My friend's daughter got this for Christmas:

I don't know what marketing wizard thought it was a good idea, but I beg to differ.

Holy hell, that's scary.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Ask me anything

I'm hitting a very busy period in my life with work and various other outside interests. That said, I'm having a hard time coming up with bloggable material.

So, my temporary solution is to put the ball in your court.

Feel free to send me a question and I'll answer it to the best of my ability. That doesn't mean I'll give an answer you'll like, but let's see how it goes.

Hopefully this will help me cut back on actually having to think for a few days.

Monday, January 24, 2005

I don't do orange

On this, the day of the first Bedlam men's basketball game between the Sooners and Pokes, I thought I'd write about a pet peeve of mine.

And that peeve is the thought that I should (according to various folks) cheer for Oklahoma State except for when they play against my alma mater, the University of Oklahoma. The reasoning being that since they are both state schools, I should be able to be a bigger person and cheer for the aggies ... "because it's good for Oklahomans to support each other."

That's a bunch of crap. I am a Sooner, through and through.

I seriously doubt that the Texas A&M Aggies ever cheer for the Texas Longhorns. Hells bells, A&M's fight song is all about their hatred for UT. My guess is that there aren't too many NY Yankees fans who cheer for the Mets, either. Do Duke fans root for North Carolina?


Now, that doesn't mean that I berate fans of other teams. In fact, quite the opposite. The love I have for my team is in no way dependent upon whether a rival team is floundering. Therefore, I keep my thoughts to myself.

Except for when people tell me I need to cheer for OSU. It'll never happen.

I'm a firm believer in choosing my team and sticking with it. What kind of loyal Sooner would I be if I cheered for Texas, just because it's a Big 12 school? A cruddy fan, indeed.

The same logic applies to the OU - OSU thing. I don't care that they are located in the same state as my school. And I'm sure that's just fine with loyal pokes. I can't see them stooping so low as to root for the Sooners. In fact, I'm sure most pokes would die and go to hell before that would happen. And good for them.

So, just to recap, I will never cheer for the pokes. They don't need sloppy seconds in the rah-rah department.

If that makes me a small person, then so be it.

Sunday, January 23, 2005

We'll miss Johnny

He was the best ...

Johnny Carson dies at 79

... and always will be the king of late night.

They're here, they're queer, I'm over it

I absolutely adored "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" when it first begain airing. I never missed an episode. I think I'm in the minority on this one, but my fave queer is Ted, the food and wine connoisseur. He reminds me of what I like in men: a little bit of geekiness, a great sense of humor and a genuine personality. Plus, who doesn't love a man who can cook?

On the flip side, there's Thom, the design guy. He always seemed quite bitchy. Definitely my least beloved of the Fab Five.

But somehow the premise has lost its luster for me. I just can't get into it now. And I have absolutely no interest in "Queer Eye for the Straight Girl."

I think the Fab Five is at 14 minutes and 45 seconds.

And counting.

Saturday, January 22, 2005

One day at a time

No, I'm not referring to the hit TV show of the 70's, nor am I speaking of the Alcoholics Anonymous mantra.

I'm simply giving a friend of mine a word of encouragement. He started a new job last week, and I think it may have been a rough beginning.

Leaving a job in which you are comfortable can be scary. But sometimes opportunities come along that we just can't pass up. That doesn't stop us, though, from questioning whether or not we're doing the right thing.

My mom always tells me when starting a new job, "Just get through the first day, the first week, the first month. Everything after that is smooth sailing." And I think she's right.

So, just keep kickin' it, dog ... you'll be just fine.

P.S. The Indianapolis Colts called. They want their dome back.

Smile! You're on Lip Schtick!

Thanks to the help of Chevy Rose at Sleepless Mind, I think I can do this now. Last night I was about to pull my hair out while trying to figure out this picture thing. I thought I'd start with this one ... the love of my life.

So thanks Chevy, for all of your help. And keep up the good fight against WalMart.

Friday, January 21, 2005

A picture is worth a thousand words...

I cannot for the life of me figure out how to post pictures. I've downloaded Picasa and Hello, but still can't make it work.

Can someone please help me figure this frickin' thing out???

Any advice you can give would be greatly appreciated. And please don't get all computer-geek on me. I'm not computer savvy and don't understand a lot of this crap.


Working girl

I have worked since I was 16 years old. I'm a firm believer in starting in the work force when you are younger to get a sense of what it's like to earn money and become financially responsible.

I am now working in a professional position, for a great company, for a wonderful boss. But I believe there are three occupations that EVERYONE should have to serve before moving into their "careers." I've done all three:

1) Work in a day care - Trust me. Your children are evil when you're not around.

The day care center was my first job. You wouldn't believe the things that kids pull. I actually had an eight year old tell me once, "You can't touch me. My mom would sue you in a heartbeat." Unbelievable. And it's not that I wanted to physically hurt these children. It's just not a good situation when the child has the upper hand.

2) Wait tables - It's an art form that people who have never done it don't understand. You either have the gift of multi-tasking or you don't. I did, and it was fun ... for a while.

I became a waitress in college. Let me just break it down, folks. Waiters do not make minimum wage. When I waited tables, I made $2.01 per hour (I'm sure its more now). So their tips are their livelihood. And they don't get to keep all of that cash. At the end of the shift, a percentage of the money they make gets passed off to the host, bar and bus staff. So, don't ask the piper to play if you can't pay.

3) Work retail - Maybe some of you wouldn't be so rude to retail workers if you experienced it from their side.

A couple of times during my adult life I have worked a retail job aside from my "day job." I do it because I like to be self-sufficient and have the extra cash (and the store's discounts are a nice bonus). But I am always amazed at how people's (mainly women's) attitudes change once they find out I have a "real job." It's like suddenly I'm not just a lowly retail worker. Granted, there are some losers in retail. But there are some folks that are great at it and take pride in their jobs.

And by the way - retail workers are not there to take your crap or to clean up after you. They are there to help you. Treat them with respect (unless their customer service skills are just heinous, like at your neighborhood WalMart).

Then I say, let 'em have it.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Smoking gun

It looks as though reports of Michael Moore's "bodyguard" carrying a concealed weapon in a New York airport were exaggerated.

CORRECTION to "Moore's bodyguard" story

That's unfortunate. I was looking forward to Moore eating something other than the Twinkies he probably lives on, based upon his girth ...

... some crow, perhaps?

Stone cold

Many have suggested that George W. Bush is not the sharpest tool in the shed, but at least he's got enough sense to wear a coat for his inauguration. Too bad we couldn't say the same about our ninth president, William Henry Harrison.

From American

Harrison, the oldest man at age sixty-eight (before Ronald Reagan) to be inaugurated President, died after serving only one month in office. He had become ill after delivering his inaugural address outdoors in the cold March weather without a hat or a coat and died of a respiratory infection, probably pneumonia. He was the first President to die in office.

Harrison's decision to forgo proper outerwear in freezing temperatures was not only unwise, but the fact that he did this while making the longest inaugural address in U.S. presidential history?

Just plain dumb.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Outta control

I'm a little miffed today. My control top pantyhose are not controlling my top.


Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Fire in the hole

Apparently someone decided it would be a good idea to set a few fires inside the Moore WalMart last night.

If there are any police or fire peronnel who read Lip Schtick, I'm sure I'll be at the top of their list of suspects.

A WalMart haiku, if you will
A WalMart haiku, if you will (the sequel)

It's OK, though. I have an alibi ... I was on the grassy knoll.

Ode to Brussels sprouts

I love Brussels sprouts, and I'm not afraid to admit it. They're just plain good. So good that I thought I'd share a little ditty about my favorite vegetable ...

Oh, how I adore
the green spheres of goodness.

Leafy layers of joy,
fill my innards with delight.

Swimming in a pool of buttery heaven,
I find solace in every bite.

Brussels sprouts - I dig you.

Please share any anthems to your fave veggie ... and see if you can work in the word "innards." Because that's just good comedy.

Monday, January 17, 2005

Is it cold in here or is it just Mariska?

In E! online's blow-by-blow of last night's Golden Globes, mention is given to The Elephant in the Room That No One Is Talking About, in reference to Arnold Schwarzenegger's appearance at the event.

Well, I think that maybe he was just there to offer support to Mariska Hargitay of TV's Law and Order SVU. After all, he did play her father Mickey Hargitay in 1980's made-for-TV movie The Jayne Mansfield Story. And Lord, she needed some support.

After all, she was sporting her own set of Golden Globes.

A WalMart haiku, if you will (the sequel)

Satan's imps frolic
in vile dens of filth ... oh wait!
this must be WalMart.

Sunday, January 16, 2005

Insert compassionate head tilt here

It has been nice the past few days to see former presidents Bush and Clinton working together on the tsunami efforts. I saw the commercial just yesterday starring both men as they try to raise awareness for the cause (although as the spot fades to black, someone should have told Mr. Bush to hold his gaze into the camera just a smidge longer before looking away as if to ask, "Was that OK?").

President Clinton just appeared on the Golden Globes via satellite to thank Hollywood for its endeavors to help the tsunami victims. Did anyone else notice how much he has aged? It's amazing how time catches up with you.

He's doing a good thing, though.

Saturday, January 15, 2005

We've got Bush

No, I'm not referring to perhaps the most famous line from 1984's "Revenge of the Nerds."

Look. I said I was going to try to stay away from politics when I began this blog. First of all, it doesn't interest me to the degree that it does for most people. Second, there are other things I'd rather take the time to write about.

But time and time again since the election, I've noticed that somehow people try to turn virtually everything into "red state vs. blue state," issue, and I've just had it.

So I'd like to say this.

Twice in my short lifetime, a presidential candidate has beaten the incumbent. Ronald Reagan became president in 1980 when he ripped the carpet from under Jimmy Carter. Bill Clinton did it in 2002 when he took the presidency from George Bush. So, it seems reasonable to me to assume that voters can be swayed to vote for a presidential candidate that is not affiliated with the party in which they belong. It's been done before.

That said, John Kerry had every opportunity to sway voters to "switch sides." Especially in a race when democrats were dying to see Dubya ousted, and many republicans were wishing they had a stronger candidate leading the way.

But plainly put, he didn't.

George W. Bush scares the hell out of a lot of people (republicans and democrats alike). You would think it would have been easy for Kerry to win even by the smallest of margins.

But plainly put, he didn't.

I know several people who made statements to the effect of, "I'm not crazy about W., but I guess I'll stick with what I know." How sad. Sticking with what you know. It's like the woman who subconsciously seeks out abusive relationships because she's used to an abusive father. It seems like Kerry would have had the election in the palm of his hand if he was up against that kind of reasoning.

But plainly put, he didn't.

So, like it or not, democrats - we're stuck with Bush for four more years.
And, like it or not, republicans - we're stuck with Bush for four more years.

I think in 2008 I'll base my vote on the most important of issues - which candidate would make the best "Saturday Night Live" parody.

In that light, let's try to get over it. It won't be easy, I know. But it's time to stop blaming Bush for winning the election. It's not his fault that Kerry couldn't somehow convince enough people that he was better for the job. If you want to blame someone, blame Kerry for not capitalizing on what seemed like the hugest of opportunities.

Or, if it's easier, blame Canada.

Friday, January 14, 2005

An homage to RedDirt

You have, on many occasions, irritated me with your use of multi-syllabic references to things in which no one gives a rat's ass.

In several instances your skill at BS-ery has made me want to tear my head off and throw it at you.

And your ability to grow a beard overnight has freaked me out beyond reason.

But the very traits you display that used to make me cringe, I have now embraced. You're almost like the geeky brother I never had. Nor would want to have, really.

That said, you crack me up. Keep on keepin' on, RedDirt. Someday when you're famous, I look forward to being able to say, "What an idiot."

With lukewarm respect,

P.S. The Oklahoma City Philharmonic called ... they want their horn section back.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

We love to hate WalMart

I never thought I'd have reason to thank the evil that is WalMart.

Lip Schtick saw its highest number of visitors yesterday following the post of "WalMart haiku." Had I known that it would stir so much interest, I would have posted it a lot sooner (it's been sitting in my draft file since before the holidays). It was quite a nice little ego boost.

So, thank you WalMart, for helping to increase my readership (at least for one day).

You still suck though.

Dirty Harry

Prince Harry has always been known as the more brash of the royal brothers. But in this case, he just should have known better.

Prince Harry apologizes for Nazi costume

Nice. Like there wouldn't be pictures taken at this party ... and that those pics wouldn't somehow get "leaked" to the ravenous British press?

What a tool. Obviously he seriously lacks judgment skills. If I lived in Britain, I'd sure be thankful that he is, what, third in line for the throne?

Tsk tsk.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

A WalMart haiku, if you will

WalMart is evil,
serviced by minions of hell...
it must be destroyed.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

God Bless "America"

Jon Stewart's America (The Book) will grace the shelves of Mississippi libraries after all.

After receiving quite an outcry from the "outside community" regarding the embargo of the book just yesterday, a couple of Mississippi county library boards met to consider lifting the ban.

What's the big whoop, anyway? As the Moderate Voice so eloquently noted (thanks to Chase for leading me to the post):

A lot of this objection is due to the fact that the Supreme Court justices are public officials and the suggest is that it is somehow unpatriotic to hold them up to even doctored photo ridicule. I submit that elected officials deserve to be targets of satire. Bravo to Stewart, Mad Magazine, the Mad Show, Saturday Night Live, The Capital Steps, Rush Limbaugh's satirists, Al Franken's satirsts, Don Imus' satire, and Mark Russell. Whomoever has the guts and wit to puncture the they-are-above-us-because-they-are-the-elite images deserves our applause...whether it's a satirist on the right or on the left.

I couldn't agree more.

Heck, Larry Flynt's made a living of it (among other things).

UConn run, but you can't hide

I just got home from the Sooners vs. UConn Huskies men's basketball game in Norman.

The atmosphere was electric, as my friend and I were sure that people were starving for some sort of way to forget the Orange Bowl. I think they got what they needed tonight.

Sooners 77
UConn 65

It was a sweet victory, to say the least. But I think the highlight was the guy holding the sign that read:

Huskies eat their poop.

It's true. I'm a sucker for sophomoric humor. Plus, anytime you can work the word "poop" into a sign, you've got a winner.

Monday, January 10, 2005

KKK Keeps Highways Klean


Court Won't Block KKK From Highway Cleanup

I wonder if they'll have to wear those bright orange vests over their hoods and robes.

Jon Stewart in deep Mississippi mud

Can't wait to see what Chase and thinks about this one.

Some Miss. Libraries Ban Jon Stewart Book

Let the fun begin.

Oklahoma better than OK

For those who believe that Oklahoma is nothing more than flyover country, I invite you to take a look at fellow Oklahoma blogger Luke's vision of our fair state.

And to Luke himself -- gorgeous shots! Must have more!

You tell me - #4

My mom and I just had a lengthy conversation about things that have happened in our past. Some funny stuff, some not so funny. Family issues, relationship disappointments, college days, job nightmares ... you name it, we discussed it. And at one point I found myself thinking, "Yeah, but I probably wouldn't change any of it."

So, that's my question for you now:

If you had it to do all over again, would you?

You tell me.

Where's the Bear?

I am obsessed with moving up the food chain on the The Truth Laid Bear site. It makes blogging ten times more fun. Last check, I was a mere Crawly Amphibian.

But has anyone else been having trouble accessing TTLB this weekend? My Ecosystem status has not been showing up on my blog.

What's going on?

I'm ready for my Slithering Reptile close-up.

Friday, January 07, 2005

More ugliness surrounding tsunami

I just came across a story in which I am absolutely appalled:

AP: Sri Lankan Teenager Raped by Rescuer

Just a horrific reminder that in the wake of tragedy, things can sometimes be worse than we initially thought.

I'll show you mine if you show me yours

It's nice to know that fellow bloggers have added my site to their blogrolls.

For instance, I noticed this morning that Dash Riprock linked to Lip Schtick on his Pop Cultured blog. A big thanks!

Don't get me wrong, I truly appreciate other bloggers who have linked to me. But I had to point out Dash because that name just cracks me up. Aside from being a kitschy Dallas cover band, Dash Riprock could also be the name of Brock Landers and Chest Rockwell's third sidekick from on Boogie Nights. Love it!

So if you do add Lip Schtick, let me know so that I can link to you as well.

It's all about keeping the good vibes flowin'.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Still Sooner born and bred

I wasn't going to chime in about the Sooners' debacle in Miami last night ... several folks have already taken the reigns on that one. But then I came across Lady Godiva's comment to OKPartisan's Halftime Blues post regarding her fear of the smackdown from Texas and Oklahoma State fans.

First of all, I am not a Sooner fan who likes to taunt other fans. Whenever OU wins, I keep to myself on the subject. Whenever OU loses, I keep to myself on the subject.

But I will say to the Longhorns and the Pokes fans ... go ahead and gloat. Gloat all you want. Although I don't know what you'd have to gloat about.

Texas only won by one point on a field goal kick with :02 remaining on the clock. Granted, a W is a W. But with the talent they have (that we keep hearing about year in and year out), they should have won by a greater margin.

And to the more vivid, obnoxious orange ... keep dreaming. At least OU has been in the National Championship hunt for the past several years. And before you send me a comment like, "yeah, but OSU beat OU two years in a row," think about this: big whoop. A season is comprised of eleven games, not one. Besides, last I checked, Silo Tech didn't fare too well in their bowl game this year either.

So orange fans, when you go off on OU and the poor performance displayed last night, just stop to think about how that makes your teams look. The bottom line here is this: as badly as OU sucked last night, they still beat Texas and Oklahoma State.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Sell outs

On this, the day of the NCAA football national championship game, I must give a shout-out to my alma mater's team, the Oklahoma Sooners. It will be a great matchup, one in which the crimson and cream will hopefully return victorious.

The title game brings me to an issue, though, that I have had for quite sometime with the sports world ... corporate sponsorship.

I am so tired of everything having a corporate name. Whatever happened to halftime shows just being halftime shows? And why does there have to be a company name attached to a time out?

Then there are the bowls. The Nokia Sugar Bowl. The FedEx Orange Bowl. The Tostitos Fiesta Bowl. The Rose Bowl presented by Citi.

What gives? I use a Nokia phone because it had a better rebate than the others. I ship via FedEx because I've tried others and it's more reliable. I like Tostitos because they are tasty. And I have a Citi card because they are the only company foolish enough to give me one when I was in college and had no credit.

The bottom line is that I don't use these items because they are associated with a bowl game. And I have a hard time believing that Poulan sales skyrocketed during the Poulan Weedeater Bowl era.

But it seems these days that it's all about the coin. And that makes me sad.

Maybe someday when SBC moves on and it becomes the Tampax Cotton Bowl, the powers that be will re-think this whole corporate sponsorship thing.

One can only hope.

Monday, January 03, 2005

What is wrong with people? - #4

I saw three men in their late 30s to early 40s yesterday sporting mullets. Absolutely unacceptable.

And for the life of me, I can't figure out who is more at fault here. Is it the guy who asks for the business in the front, party in the back? Or is the hairdresser's fault for enabling these lugs by obliging them the cut in the first place?

Mullet over and get back with me.

Sunday, January 02, 2005

Movies for Dummies

Chase is quite the movie (er, film) aficionado. I have enjoyed his movie reviews and Top Ten lists. I would in turn, like to throw my hat into the ring.

Now, if you've read this blog at all, I think it's pretty clear that I don't like to have to think really hard. That said, I enjoy movies that entertain me. They don't have to be Oscar worthy. They just have to touch me emotionally.

So, I give you my Top Ten list of not-so-great movies that I heart (in other words, if I've got nothing else to do and I see that one of these movies is on, I'll probably watch it):

10 - Soapdish
Most times, when you get an ensemble cast of decent actors together, the movie ends up sucking. But not this one.

Sally Field is neurotic, yet likeable (not meant to be a reference to the "you really like me!" Oscar schpiel) ...

... Elisabeth Shue is fresh, young (and if I do say so myself, hot) ...

... Whoopi Goldberg is great in one of the few roles in which she's not constantly screaming to the top of her lungs ...

... Robert Downey, Jr. is smarmy, yet witty and charming ...

... and this one of the few movies in which Kevin Kline doesn't give me the creeps (I don't know what it is about Kev, but eeewww).

Plus, it's just a good movie. Schmaltzy, yet clever.

9 - Boomerang
I'm sorry. This movie just cracks me up. I can't even describe it. Just see it. Guys will love the guy stuff, girls will love the romance stuff. It's another movie with lots of well-known actors (Eddie Murphy, Halle Berry, Martin Lawrence, Tisha Campbell, Robin Givens, and Lela Rochon, to name a few) that doesn't disappoint. Well, doesn't disappoint me, anyway.

8 - Old School
Will Ferrell as the "straight guy." Hard to picture, but he's hilarious at it. And who can resist the streaking scene? Or the tranquilizer dart scene (most of my guy friends LOVE that one).

Also, Luke Wilson is just plain hot. Can't go wrong with Luke.

7 - Nine to Five
They just don't make 'em like Dabney Coleman anymore.

6 - New Jack City
This movie rules. I never would have watched it until some buddies of mine in college begged me to just "give it five minutes - you'll be hooked, we promise." And I was. How fitting that I was "hooked" on a movie about just that ... getting hooked on crack in 80s New York City .

Be careful though. Before you know it, "the sh*t be callin' you man ... sh*t be callin' you."

5 - Can't Buy Me Love
Even as a wee lass of 16, I knew that Patrick Dempsey was something special (and quite attractive, even with that crooked smile and humongo schnoz ... which he has since grown into very nicely, thank you very much).

CBML is a sweet, coming of age film (blecch) in which Dempsey "rents" the most popular girl in school in the hopes of losing his rep as a geek.

And a bonus appearance by a young Seth Green ... how can you go wrong? Don't forget to practice your moves for the African Anteater Ritual.

4 - Sid and Nancy
Sid Vicious and Nancy Spungen. What losers. Although for some reason I cannot resist whacked out love stories about twisted, volatile, famous couples. Even though I want to punch Nancy (played by Chloe Webb) in the face to shut her up, I still love it.

You may want to turn on the captioning, though. I can't understand a word those English blokes say most of the time without it.

3 - Star 80
Another feel-bad movie about a couple who ends up six feet under ... although this one is much more tragic.

I believe this is the movie that single-handedly ruined Eric Roberts' career. He does such a good job of playing the smarmy low-life Paul Snider, that I have never been able to imagine him as anyone else.

Unfortunately, a movie that was supposed to pay homage to Playboy Playmate Dorothy Stratten (who was murdered at the age of 20), ultimately focused on the jealous, insidious Snider who was not only her husband, but also her killer.

2 - Urban Cowboy
"All cowboys ain't dumb. Some of 'em got smarts real good, like me."

With dialog like that, how can you not be riveted? Plus, again, the hot factor. John Travolta when he was a young'n. Mmmmmmm.

1 - Showgirls
Hands down the worst movie that I will stop everything to watch. It's SO bad, it's good. It literally pains me to watch it, but I must.

Horrible acting, horrible dialog, horrible plot. But it hurts so good.

And yes, Nomi, it DOES suck.

Feathers Smoothed

I told you I was feisty yesterday. In my quest to "keep it real," I think I scared some folks.

OKPartisan suggests that I may have been a little touchy when I replied to his Southside Blight post. In actuality, he just gave me a forum in which to express some thoughts I've had for quite some time on the subject. And for that, I am most appreciative.

There's something to be said and admired about a person who questions what is going on around him. In his comment to my post, he remarks, "all of OKC needs to flourish." I couldn't agree more.

So, thanks, OKPartisan, for giving me the opportunity to engage in healthy debate. It's all in good, clean fun. And in closing, I'd like to leave you with one final thought:

Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got,
I'm still, I'm still Red-dy from the block.

Used to have a little, now I have a little.

No matter where I go,
I know where I came from.

Thanks, you've been a great audience ... I'm here all night. Oh, and uh, don't forget to tip your waitress.

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