maro Lip Schtick: November 2005p

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Burn this mutha out

It absolutely amazes me that with the excessively high winds, complete lack of rainfall and what seem to have become daily grass fires ...

... that people still continue to throw their burning cigarettes out their car windows every single day.

Help me understand what these people could possibly be thinking.

Not only are they increasing the fire hazard, but I also thought that was considered littering.

Silly me.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Goodnight, Sam

I just found out from Chase that Sam has bitten the proverbial bullet.

He may have been ugly, but he sure was full of love.

I hope he's enjoying tht pearly doghouse in the sky.

Sleep tight. The bedbugs will bite.

I haven't had the creeps this bad in quite some time.

Bedbugs make upscale comeback in New York

Needless to say, I have washed my sheets thoroughly.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Kiss of Death

This story gives new meaning to the phrase "I'm nuts about you."

Teen with Peanut Allergy Dies After Kiss

Jingle tales

The holiday season is officially here.

And I know this not because Thanksgiving has come and gone, but because I have already had the pleasure of hearing the BC Clark jingle at least five times.

And I never get tired of it!

For those lucky enough to live in the great state of Oklahoma, the phrase "BC Clark jingle" requires no explanation.

But for those who don't hail from the flattest, windiest, yet friendliest state of the union, I give you the most wonderful jingle in the history of jingle-dom:

Click here for the BC Clark jingle history
Click here for the BC Clark jingle

Ah, yes. It doesn't get any better.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Now read this - Close Calls

I mentioned a few posts ago that I wanted to start a list of books I have read recently.

Granted, I am no critic, nor do I want to be.

But I did think it would be fun to share with fellow bloggers the stuff I have read in between my Melrose Place re-runs and new Nip/Tuck episodes.

Thus, "Now read this" is here. Not that anyone should care; we all have our ideas on what we think fine literature should be. Again, I am not trying to be a literary critic.

Close Calls
by Felicia Berland Hyatt

I met Hyatt on April 20, 2001 at the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum in Washington D.C. She was signing copies of Close Calls for the public.

The first thing I remember was feeling fascinated by her presence. The things she lived through. I will never be able to fathom her experiences during World War II.

The next thing I noticed was that this woman was so tiny. Someone who was as small as she is in stature could not have gotten through something as horrible as the Holocaust.

But she did.

And after reading this book, I know why.

She may have been small in size, but she was extremely large in wit, stamina, and will. She had to be. From leaving her mother for her own survival, to learning how to reason with her "oppressors," to her dangerous, yet well-planned escape from Auschwitz ... this woman proved that you don't have to be big to have a big heart, soul and mind.

Close Calls is extremely easy to read; one does not need an extensive history of WWII to understand. Although Hyatt admits that she has a hard time recalling some events surrounding her days as a prisoner, she is still able to relay most of her experiences with heartfelt emotion.

Hyatt does not spend a lot of time going into great detail of the horrific treatment she and her fellow prisoners received; she doesn't have to. But she does give credence to the bonds she shared with these women, and how they helped one another survive against all odds.

I truly enjoyed this book.

And I realize the importance of the fact that we must all, in her written words on the inside cover of my copy, "Remember."

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Under the Gun-dy

Is it just me, or did Oklahoma State head football coach Mike Gundy seem like the game was lost before it even started today?

No clipboard, no emotion, no pacing.

It seemed that every time he was on camera during Oklahoma's shellacking of his Cowboys, he appeared just, well, aloof.

Geez, dude. I realize you've only won one conference game this season, and the non-conference games you won may as well have been against high school teams, but come on!

At least feign a little interest!

A word of advice, Mr. Gundy: as my mom so eloquently noted, the quiet, laid back, less-than-emotional Gary Gibbs approach won't win you many fans in the college football state of Oklahoma.

Friday, November 25, 2005

Wake up!

It is now 3 p.m. on the Friday after Thanksgiving.

I have just now awakened from my "post Thanksgiving dinner" nap.


Tryptophan is a bitch.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Happy Thanksgiving!

I pledge allegiance
to the flag,
of the United States of America

And to the Republic
for which it stands,
one nation, under God, indivisible ...

... with turkey and dressing for all.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

No King Kong for me, thanks

I'm sorry. I really don't want to see the new King Kong movie.

I like animals. Even great big huge computer-generated animals who climb buildings and scare the crap out of everyone.

The last thing I want to see is an animal (even if it is fake) being shot down from atop a building to ultimately plummet to his hideous death.

It that just me?

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Read between the lines

Have I mentioned my recent obsession with books?

As a self-professed lover of television (insert "idiot box" joke here), I have always shunned the notion that watching TV kills brain cells.

Actually, I am just more of a visual person. It has always been very difficult for me to relate to things in which I cannot see.

The only C I ever received from kindergarten through high school was in 9th grade chemistry. I just couldn't get it! How the hell am I supposed to understand how invisible particles float around to form certain elements? It's beyond me!

But I digress ...

So. I have started to read.

I will be starting LilRed's book list soon. Not a book club. A book list. Because I don't proclaim to be an expert on what constitutes a good book.

Watch for more details (or check the sidebar for what I'm reading right now).

Monday, November 21, 2005


Here are the things for which I am thankful:

I have a great job.
I have great friends.
I have a great roof over my head.
I have a great cat.

Anything else is gravy.

Thanksgiving is almost here. Let's remember ...

... to remember all of the things for which we can be grateful.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Cirque Dreams: a review, if you will

I know that Oklahoma City is not revered by most as a cultural mecca.

Nevertheless, we do see our fair share of great shows that come to town. One such show was the Cirque Dreams production that took place at the Civic Center just last week.

The second in the Celebrity Attractions Oklahoma City season (you may recall my "review" of Billy Joel and Twyla Tharp's Movin' Out which was the first of the series), Cirque Dreams was certainly grand.

From freaky contortionists to an extremely creepy juggler ... this show was so amazing that it seemed like it only lasted for 20 minutes.

My fave portion was the duo of trapeze gals. These ladies performed tricks and treats from the same trapeze. Needless to say, my palms were quite sweaty during this part of the show.

The only negative thing I can recall is the number of folks I heard leaving the show who quipped, "It was just better in Vegas."

Well, duh!

I'm sure in Las Vegas there are far grander venues in which to put on this type of show.

So listen up, Oklahomans, appreciate things for what they are. We are lucky to be able to see shows like this in our own backyards. I mean where else can you see three half naked Russian men balancing themselves on top of each other's heads?

Well, maybe you can see this at Angles, or the Copa, but where else?

Enjoy the shows, folks ... there are more coming our way soon.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Don't give me any lip

Oh dear God.

Now people are not only finding Lip Schtick via the search "men stretching testicles..."

... but the other day I noticed someone got here by way of "lip stretching."

Lip stretching!

My guess is that they're not talking about the ancient African method of lip stretching for ornamental plate display.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Eastbound and down

Oklahoma City Mayor Mick Cornett was asked earlier this week about the upcoming rearrangement and eventual reconstruction of Interstate 40. In regard to governmental involvement in such tedious affairs, the mayor ever-so-eloquently answered:

"When all is said and done, a lot more is said than done."

Let's hope that he heeds his own words and make sure that doesn't happen this time.

God know the whole thing is gonna be a big enough nightmare as it is.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

All is not well

Since I obviously like to share stories regarding my bodily functions, I thought I'd pass along yet another:

Although I am no longer stricken with folliculitis, I now have a nice bald spot where the infection once resided.

Granted, the bald spot is only about the size of a nickel, but still.

That's all a gal needs.

Hair loss.

No wonder I get so many dates.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Reality bites

I find this humorous, yet ironic:

Reality Show Writers Seek More Pay

In all "reality," why do we need all these reality writers in the first place?

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Electric boog-aloo

You wanna know what my favorite thing is in the whole world?


When I sit in a staff meeting for two hours with a boog in my nose and nobody tells me.


Monday, November 14, 2005

Hells bells

I'm sorry.

But isn't church where you are supposed to be able to go without fear of judgment or condemnation? I'm pretty sure that those two attributes were not at the top of Jesus' "ways to influence people" list.

Quote I spotted on a church marquee today:

Try Jesus.
If you don't like him, Satan will always take you back.

No wonder churches have such a hard time attracting new members these days.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Nuttin' honey

I was trying to find information on the Internet about the Jordan bombers.

During my search, I came across this pic.

Man, do I miss the era of the men's basketball short shorts. Or as I like to refer to them: "nutters."

Ah, the good ol' days.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Top Dawg still MIA

I went to the OU men's basketball game this evening.

Still no sign of Top Dawg.

My disappointment is growing.

Friday, November 11, 2005

Poodle me this ...

I know that there are a lot of dog lovers out there. But I also know that there are a lot of dog lovers who don't love poodles.

I, for one, happen to dig big poodles. Standard poodles, I believe they are called?

I especially love poodles who look like this:

Kickass poodles who like to run fast


Thursday, November 10, 2005

A hole lotta love

So I've heard it both ways:

Shut your pie hole!


Shut your cake hole!

Which one is more insulting? I may need to know for future use.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Where does the time go?

I remember growing up that adults used to say that as you get older, the time flies more and more quickly.

At the time, I thought that was the biggest load of crap.

And as usual, the older I get, the more I realize they were right.

Thanksgiving is almost here.


Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Desperate for better episodes

Is it just me, or is Desperate Housewives just not as good this season?

I mean, usually it takes a couple of years for a blockbuster TV show to hit a slump.

But I'm just not feeling it with the gals from Wisteria Lane this season.

Nip/Tuck, anyone?

Monday, November 07, 2005

The agony of de-feet

Here's another odd search that happened to lead a hapless reader to Lip Schtick:

Sexy mature feet

As if there actually existed such a thing.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

I've got a bone to pick

To the University of Oklahoma,

As an alumna and multi-sport season ticket holder, I applaud your efforts to maintain the rich tradition that often makes collegiate sporting events so exciting year after year.

Therefore, it is with much chagrin that I must flog you for the flagrant disregard for tradition at this season's first men's basketball game.

What the hell have you done with Top Dawg?

When the Sooner football season opened a couple of months ago, fans witnessed a new era at Owen Field: the Boomer and Sooner mascots (no, not the actual horses cared for by the illustrious RufNeks, but the new "interactive" equines who roam the sidelines looking, well, a little out of place).

My first thought was, "I wonder if this means they'll get rid of Top Dawg at the basketball games?"

OK, actually, that was my second thought. My first thought was, "Why do we need these guys? We've got the real horses who are not only cooler, but aren't sporting mullets."

Well, my fears were realized when, at the first men's basketball game, Boomer came kickin' it out onto the floor. Top Dawg was nowhere to be found.

Now, some people may not get what the big deal is with Top Dawg. After all, why would a dog be used as a Sooner icon?

Top Dawg, or as I like to call him, TD, represents the spirit of Mex, the original University of Oklahoma mascot in the late teens and twenties. A fan favorite, TD has been very much a part of Sooner basketball tradition for many years.

So why give him his walking papers without so much as a goodbye?

Wouldn't it have been nice to have given fans the chance to get one more season with the ear-tugging, lovable mutt?

I'm not saying that Boomer and Sooner have to go. Unlike a lot of fans, I do think they're kinda cute, even if they do look a little mullety.

But getting rid of Top Dawg was just wrong. I noticed on the SoonerSports website that you don't even metion him as part of the mascot tradition. What gives?

Just give us a chance to pay our respects to the end of a time-honored tradition; that's all I ask.

TD deserves it.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Ceres, we hardly knew ye

Bloggy gal pal Ceres thought she said goodbye to this cesspool we call blogging back in May.

Now it seems she may have a hankerin' to come back.

So, if you have the time, give the Joker's Wife a holler and a little encouragement to re-join the rest of us pathetic losers who say we are only doing this blogging thing for ourselves, but really just want some attention.

And tell her LilRed sentcha.

After all, misery loves company.

Friday, November 04, 2005

Clean and green

Actually, I'm just clean, no longer green.

Due to the wonderous workings of oral and topical antibiotics, the festering mess on my scalp is no more, thank God.

And by the way ... it did not, as feared, spread to my ass.

Again, thank God.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Fall out

You know, I enjoy a fresh spring day as much as the next gal.

But 84 degrees on Nov. 3 does not cut it for me.

Where's that cool, crisp, fall air we all remember and miss so much?

This global warming crap can kiss my ass.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Aw, c'mon! You're killing me!

Here's a little something you can do in your spare time ...

... because we could all brush up on our serial killer recognition skills.

By the way, I got 10 out of 10.

I'm not sure what that says about me, but I'm pretty sure it ain't good.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Thank you, New Orleans

To the people of New Orleans:

Thank you for sharing your Hornets with us.

I hope I speak for most people of the City of Oklahoma City when I say, we hope to make you proud.

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