maro Lip Schtick: January 2006p

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Just say no

A couple of friends and I were talking generally about people we know who have gotten into the drug scene during the years.

I told them that I couldn't understand what the hell people were thinking when they get involved with drugs. "Nothing good ever comes from being hopped up on the goofball," I cited.

One of the friends replied, "Yeah, but you can't really be judgmental about it because you never went through the 'experimental phase' that a lot of people have."

This made absolutely no sense to me.

Wouldn't it stand to reason that I can be judgmental about this, since I never tried drugs (even "experimentally") only to turn around and bitch about how bad they are?

I mean, I know that being judgmental is not typically considered a good trait ...

... but neither is being a hypocrite.

Monday, January 30, 2006

Share and share alike

I'd like to get to know you a little better.


Tell me two things that you would never want someone to find out about you on a first date.

Don't be embarrassed ... this is just between you and me.

OK - if it'll make you feel better, I'll give you my two:

1 - I drool like a friggin' I-don't-know-what when I sleep.
2 - Sometimes I can get some heinous B.O. (although I have found that Dove deodorant helps curtail the wicked aroma quite well).

C'mon! Join the fun!

No one has to know.

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Now read this - Memoirs of a Geisha

Memoirs of a Geisha
by Arthur Golden

OK, OK. I know I am the last person on the face of the earth to have read this. But
now I know that good things really do come to those who wait.

This book, as you probably already know, is amazing. I couldn't put it down.

I won't go into detail about how kick ass this book is ... but if you really haven't read it yet, and I can't imagine that you haven't, then you must.


PS - The movie isn't half bad. I'd recommend it for a matinee.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

White OUt the Lloyd Noble Center tonight

OU plays Texas tonight at the LNC.

Donors - if you insist on buying tickets year in and year out, only to not get off your lazy asses and go the games, then I implore you:

Please give your tickets to someone who will go!

I would hate to have to kick some donor ass.

Rain? What's that?

It's raining. I can't frigging believe it.

Note to the idiots:

Thank you.

Friday, January 27, 2006

The Birdman flies the coop

New Orleans / Oklahoma City Hornets forward Chris Andersen is gone. Suspended for two years for violation of the NBA's drug policy.

It's a shame.

A shame that he couldn't understand the good things he had long enough to stay away from the drugs.

As disappointed as I am, I am still a Hornets fan. They have been great for Oklahoma City.

I hope the players can prevail and move past this bump in the road.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

You tell me - #15

So I heard overheard someone tell a friend today she made "a stupid mistake."

Which led me to wonder:

Is there ever a smart mistake?

You tell me.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Tag! I'm it - #3

I told you I enjoyed being tagged. It helps give my brain a break. This one is from one of my blogalicious pals, the Incurable Insomniac.

Seven Things To Do Before I Die:
1 - See much more of the world than I have so far.
2 - Go to a Super Bowl
3 - Write a book
4 - Learn to cook
5 - Run a marathon (yeah, right)
6 - Fall in love again
7 - Move from Oklahoma

Seven Things I Cannot Do:
1 - Dive
2 - Not cry when overwhelmed with emotion
3 - The splits
4 - Live a life without cats
5 - Tolerate stupid people
6 - Play a musical instrument
7 - Snow ski

Seven Things That Attract Me To...Blogging:
1 - To quote the Incurable Insomniac - unbridled narcissism.
2 - Meeting kickass bloggists
3 - Dispelling the myth that Oklahomans are redneck cockfighters
4 - It gives my friends a break from the bitching I put them through - I bitch here instead.
5 - It's a forum for WalMart haters
6 - It helps me hone my writing skills (puh-leeze)
7 - TTLB obsession

Seven Things I Say Most Often:
1 - "What an idiot."
2 - "That's unacceptable."
3 - "What if ..." - My close friends will totally get this.
4 - "I will not have it."
5 - "Huh-uh!"
6 - "Holy crap."
7 - "That is not right."

Seven Books That I Love:
1 - Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden
2 - Anthem by Ayn Rand
3 - To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
4 - The Princess Bride by William Goldman
5 - Romeo and Juliet
6 - My Life So Far by Jane Fonda
7 - 700 Sundays by Billy Crystal

Seven Movies That I Watch Over and Over Again:
1 - When Harry Met Sally
2 - On Golden Pond
3 - Elizabeth
4 - Better Off Dead
5 - Miss Congeniality
6 - Tootsie
7 - Kramer vs. Kramer

Seven People I Want To Join In Too:
Lady Godiva

If you have been tagged, as always, there is no pressure. Please do not throw things if you don't want to participate.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Look! It's Jesus! No wait. It's just Kanye.


Kanye West poses as Jesus for Rolling Stone cover


Because Jesus was, after all, a narcissist, bigot, and oh yeah, porn hound!

Monday, January 23, 2006

Listen up!

Lip Schtick readers know I don't like to get political.

It bores me.

I leave that mess to people who know more than I (or at least who like to act like they know more).

But sometimes I have to get things off my chest (other than my bra at the end of a grueling day). So here goes:

I don't like being lied to. In fact, I think most people would say that a lie is not something in which they enjoy being on the receiving end.

But if listening to my telephone conversations (even if it is without my knowledge or consent) will stop thousands (or even one, for that matter) from being killed in the next terrorist slaughter ...

... then I say "listen 'til the cows come home."

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Red tie optional

I don't know who the hell came up with the idea of students wearing blue t-shirts with red silk-screened ties at the Oklahoma vs. Texas Tech basketball game on Saturday.

But whoever it was ...

... good job.

I love a little comedy with my basketball.

Saturday, January 21, 2006

Bachelor pad

If you love ABC's The Bachelor (and I know you do), then please.

Do yourself a favor.

Visit this site.

You won't be disappointed.

Friday, January 20, 2006

15 seconds of infamy

Do you ever do something that you think is kind of funny at the time, only to regret it the second you finish doing it?

That's how I feel after shaking my sweet booty for the jumbotron at the Hornets game Wednesday night.

At the time I didn't give it too much thought. Until I looked into the stands from my seat and found a co-worker staring at me. I sat down immediately, my face matching the pink and red sweater I was sporting.

I blew off the incident thinking, "How many people really look at the jumbotron at any given moment? I mean, yes, we all look up there from time to time, but we don't glue our eyes to it."

Apparently I was kidding myself.

A slew of people approached me at work the next day ... "were you at the Hornets game last night?"

Well duh. Obviously I was, or you wouldn't be asking.

I don't know what I was thinking. I guess the excitement was just too much for me to think clearly.

Either that, or my ass has a mind all its own.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

The windy city

Something I heard on the traffic report as I drove home yesterday:

"No accidents to warn you about today on the roadways. High winds, however, could cause some trouble for high profile vehicles."


I didn't know that more famous cars had more trouble in the wind than unknown cars.

You learn something every day.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

The trend setter

This guy is my hero.

The Man Who Said No to WalMart

I especially love the part where he has to sit on lawn furniture for his meeting with the WalMart executives.


Monday, January 16, 2006

Martin Luther King Jr. Day

... and when this happens, when we allow freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual:

Free at last! Free at last!
Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!

-Martin Luther King Jr.
Aug. 28, 1963

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Oh sure. Now you're sorry.

Pat Robertson must have caught wind of his being the inaugural challenger for the Lip Schtick virtual ass kicking.

Because now he has decided that he's sorry for the comments he made regarding Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon's stroke.

You know, it must be nice thinking that you can damn people to hell and then a few days later decide you're sorry.

I mean, I do that every day ...

... but that's just me.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Calling all lurkers

It looks like I have just a few days to get in on the De-Lurking action (De-Lurking Week ends Jan. 17).

So, feel free to drop me a line ... even if you're a regular!

And if you're not ... come on in, leave a comment, and join the fun that is Lip Schtick, wouldja?!

Friday, January 13, 2006

Oh no! It's Mr. Gas Bill!

Remember a few posts ago when I told you that I like the power I feel when I pay my bills? That I am the captain of my financial ship, and that bills don't rule my life?

Well, that was before I got the $253 gas bill!

Are you friggin' kidding me?


Wouldn't it be cool if we could harness all the heat from the continual fires that burn across Oklahoma and put it toward our warming bills?

Just a thought ...

Thursday, January 12, 2006

You tell me - #14

On the flip side of the coin ...

What's the one purchase you made in 2005 you're glad you did?

You tell me.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

You tell me - #13

What is the one purchase you made in 2005 that you wish you hadn't?

You tell me.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Give it some gas

I read a few days ago that Oklahoma is the third largest gas producing state in the country.


That must be a lot of beans and broccoli!

Monday, January 09, 2006

Tag! I'm it -#2

Evidently there are a lot of folks out there who don't like to be tagged.

I am not one of those people, because often I can't think of a single thing to write about. So occasionally, I appreciate the jump start.

One of my fave bloggals at nicoleMART has asked that I share a few random facts about myself. What kind of taggee would I be if I didn't oblige?

I love to pay bills
This is true. I am one of those freaky pay-the-bill-the-minute-I-receive-it types of people. It gives me a rush when I pay my bills eighteen million weeks before they're due. I am the captain of my financial ship. And I love that power.

I hate to shop for clothes
Most women love to shop. I, on the other hand, am missing that gene. And when I have to shop for something (a dress for a formal occasion, a pair of new pants because I've gained too much weight to fit in my others, etc.) it's even worse. The pressure of finding cute clothes. No thanks. Now home decorative items, on the other hand, hell yeah!

I skipped first grade
Not because I was a genius, mind you (although my mom would say otherwise). It just so happened that in the first grade I was reading on a level with high school kids. Unfortunately, that's where the smarts left off. Math continues to kick my ass.

I have had 15 moles removed ...
... and I am only 34. Imagine what all the years of sun damage will have done to me by the time I'm 60. Of those 15, three of them were actually do-overs because the wretched varmints started growing back post-removal. I'm telling you, people. The sun is bad, very bad.

I could easily be a huffer
I freaking LOVE the smell of gasoline, nail polish, lighter fluid, liquid cement, markers, etc.

I have never seen
any of The Godfather movies, any of the Star Wars movies, nor any of the Indiana Jones flicks. And I probably won't ever. The hype would ruin the outcome. By the way, I hated Citizen Kane.

I don't know my dad ...
... and I don't feel like I am a lesser person because of it. That's not to say I'm happy it turned out that way; I'm not. But I think too often people blame too many things on not having two parents. That's crap. Your life is what you make of it. None of us have picture-perfect childhoods. But I can hold job, own a home, and have only minor mental problems. I'm OK.

I am a sucker for good love stories
My current movie love obsession is the 1976 version of "A Star is Born" with Barbra Streisand and Kris Kristofferson. I think I have probably watched the damn thing five times in the last two weeks.
Great movie? No.
Great acting? No.
Music? Marginal for a rock soundtrack - but there is no denying Barbra's voice is outstanding.
Sweet love story? I say yes.
Even if the critics at the time (whenever I get obsessed with a movie I do extensive Internet research about it) thought there was no chemistry between the Babs and Kris. I say that's a load of hooey. Just because two people don't look like they would ever be a couple doesn't mean there's no chemistry. But that's just me. Watch it and decide for yourself.

I frigging love to cross-stitch
Yes, I am 80. But I don't care. It's fun.

So that's it. A few random facts.

Now I would like to pass the torch (and there is absolutely no pressure here) to some other friends of the blog world:
The Incurable Insomniac
The Scarlett

Oh, and don't think you got off so easily my other blog friends. The Incurable Insomniac tagged me as well ... I'll hit you guys up at that time.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Lip Schtick's virtual ass kicking - round 1

We here at Lip Schtick (and by we, I mean me) have decided that it's time to take matters into my own hands.

If you have read this blog at all, you know I can't stand stupid people.

I'm not talking about folks who may be developmentally challenged in the intellectual arena. And I'm also not saying that I am immune to the making the occasional stupid remark or having a stupid idea.

I'm just saying that there are people out there who should know better than to spew their idiocy like they're just saying something as simple as "Hello."

So, the virtual ass kicking starts here.

With Pat Robertson.

In a world in which Christianity keeps getting raked over the coals by the extreme religious right, televangelist freaks, and psychopaths who use the Bible as a way to justify their hate, bigotry, and whatever else they see fit, well, it's no wonder that people don't feel good about going to church anymore. Especially with guys Like Pat Robertson waiting to judge us.

I'm not saying this as a political stance, it's just an opinion.

But this guy is a complete moron.

Last week Robertson claimed that Israel Prime Minister Ariel Sharon's stroke could be attributed to God's wrath for dividing God's land.

Are you frickin' kidding me?

You know, I don't wish ill will on anyone. Just because I think a person is a complete asshat (to use Nicole's word, which I love by the way), doesn't mean I want something bad to happen to him.

But I gotta tell ya, after this and the countless other statements that Robertson has made in this genre, I wouldn't mind seeing a little of "God's wrath" being sent Pat Robertson's way.

But if that doesn't happen, the Lip Schtick virtual ass kicking will work for me. Feel free to leave your comment here if you would like to join the fun.

And have a great day!

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Come on baby fight my fire

Oklahoma is at fire danger level 5 today.

So, if you see anyone throwing a cigarette butt out of their car window, call


Be sure to give the idiot's
license #
car make / model
area in which you saw the idiot throw out the cigarette


Friday, January 06, 2006

Show me those crumbly whites

You may recall (although I somehow doubt it) the post about the recurring nightmare in which I lose teeth.

This is not a dream in which have a corner on the market; apparently this quite a horrible experience for a lot of people.

Two nights ago I had it again ... only this time my teeth crumbled right out of my head. And it was all of my teeth. Not just one or two.

I awoke and ran to the bathroom to

#1 - Take a look in the mirror just to make sure I wasn't crazy and that my snags were still in place, and

#2 - Well, #2.

The nightmare literally scared the crap out of me.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Shameful plug - The George Foreman Grill

Last year a friend of mine got me a George Foreman Grill.

She did this because she knows I am not adept in the culinary arts department.

I brought it home, put it away, and then forgot I even had it.

So, to my surprise (and ultimate delight), I came across the GFG when I started my "deep cleaning" ritual (the once-a-year ordeal in which I literally tear the whole house apart so that I can clean and reorganize).

And now I am quite irritated that I let a year go by without the wonderment of the GFG!

Do you people have one of these contraptions? I'm telling you, it kicks ass! A little hard to clean, maybe, but worth it!

Chicken breasts done in 9 minutes! Fish done in 3 minutes!

This is a wise investment. Go out and buy one today!

But not at WalMart.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Finally, I can get some sleep

Mo. Researchers Find Largest Prime Number

I don't know how we've gone this long.

You tell me - #12

This one is for Sooner fans.

Which is gonna be the bigger pill to swallow during tonight's Rose Bowl?

USC winning and possibly making a run to break OU's 47-game win record ...


Texas winning and us having to listen to the incessant horn tooting for the next millennium (and by horn tooting, I don't mean Bevo flatulence)?

You tell me.

A win for the aged

You read it correctly. The aged.

Or I guess I could have titled it "JoePa wins the Grandpa Bowl."

It was quite a finish (triple overtime, to be exact) for the two winningest coaches in major college football history.

Following umpteen missed field goals by both teams, Joe Paterno's Penn State Nittany Lions finally put the smackdown on Bobby Bowden's Florida State Seminoles.

By a field goal, poetically.

Admittedly, I am not much of a fan of either team (although I must mention gratuitously here that the Oklahoma Sooners have beaten both teams for the national championship).

All that aside, what a game. History in the making, most likely. Because these legendary coaches probably won't meet again during the remainders of their careers.

Thanks guys, for great coaching, great history, and a great game tonight.

We should be so lucky.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

OK. I am pissed.

I knew it wouldn't last long.

I told you my one new year's resolution was to "try not to let people piss me off so much."

Well, due to the fact that so many folks out there simply care about themselves and no one else, my resolution was doomed from the start.

Some may call it self-fulfilling prophecy; I simply attribute it to the number of complete dillholes that walk the face of the earth on a daily basis.

Perhaps you have seen in the news lately that Oklahoma and Texas are burning to a crisp because of the gazillion-mile-an-hour winds and absolutely no precipitation in the forecast.

We have been in the midst of fire danger warnings and subsequent burn bans for a couple of weeks now.

Which is why you would think that people would STOP THROWING BURNING CIGARETTES OUT THEIR CAR WINDOWS!

I swear.

These morons are looking to get their fire-starting asses kicked.

Monday, January 02, 2006

Rain, rain, come this way

I was literally afraid to leave my home today.

Afraid to leave for fear that when I returned it would be burned to the ground.

And the fact that I live two blocks away from a fire department doesn't quell my anxiety. The constant roaring of the sirens (all day long, by the way), was not comforting in the least.

If we don't get some rain soon ... well.

We just need some rain.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

HNY '06!

Happy new year, everyone!

I typically don't make resolutions, but I did this year:

This year I will try not to let people piss me off so much.

We'll see how long that lasts.

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