maro Lip Schtick: February 2006p

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Lent me your ear

The Lenten season is here.

What, if anything, do you plan to give up for Lent?

Monday, February 27, 2006

It's raining threes

March Madness is almost here.

Need a little inspiration?

Autistic teen becomes basketball superstar

Inspirational, indeed.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Frey'd sickening

Do you ever get sick to your stomach and think, "If only I could throw up ... I'd feel so much better."

Well, I have the remedy for you.

The next time you get a stomach bug and need to induce vomiting, keep a copy of this on hand (via Nicole).

As soon as you begin reading, you won't be able to hold anything down.

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Tag! I'm it - #4

I know my bloggy pal Helen thinks I forgot about her.

But trust me, friends. It may take me a while to get to it, but I NEVER forget a tag. You all know I love the tags. They give my feeble brain a break.

So, in the spirit of all things remembered ... here we go!

Target of My Perfect Partner: male
My perfect partner:

1. is ambitious
2. is smart
3. is funny
4. does not get irritated when I cry at movies
5. understands (and enjoys) my sense of humor
6. adores cats
7. understands that lingerie is for me to pick out, not him
8. refuses to shop at WalMart

And now I pass the torch (pardon the Olympic pun) to five new friends:
Librarian Pirate
Jessi (actually, Jessi is an old friend, but still - I like her)
Goofy Girl
OldOld Lady of the Hills

Join the fun, ladies!

Tell us what you REALLY think of your perfect partner (even if your current main squeeze doesn't meet these criteria)!

Friday, February 24, 2006

Drew me, baby

I have a new boyfriend.

His name is Drew.

I love him.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Right back atcha, babe

I am thrilled.

Michele name Lip Schtick her site of the day.

If you know Michele, you know how kick ass that is.

If you don't, please. Do yourself a favor, and visit her ... NOW.

Oh, and hey! Tell 'er LilRed sentcha.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Ass me no questions

Just got back form the Hornets game.

Jackson Vroman's broken wrist is one of the sickest things I have ever seen.

But the real news of the night is that my ass did not make a jumbotron appearance.

And I am positive that all 18,000 people in attendance were quite disappointed.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

I must break you.

I'm sorry.

But every time I hear the Russian national anthem during the winter Olympics medal ceremonies, all I can think about is Rocky 4.

Does anyone else remember this scene? When Rocky goes to Russia to kick Ivan Drago's blond technologically-driven ass? 'Member? Come on!

Oh - and 'member how Drago's press guy was one of the Malachi brothers from Happy Days? Come on! 'Member the Malachi Crunch that messed up Pinky Tuscadero's head in the demolition derby?

Oh forget it.

Freakin' Russian ice skaters.

Monday, February 20, 2006

President's Day fun

Of all the actors who have played fictional presidents of the United States, which one would you vote for if they actually ran as those characters?

There is a tie for my fave faux free-world foreman (gotta love that alliteration!):

Kevin Kline as president William Harrison Mitchell - Dave
Morgan Freeman as president Tom Beck - Deep Impact

Care to join the wackiness?

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Lip Schtick's virtual ass kicking - round 2

First it was Pat Robertson.

Now it's Bryant Gumbel. What a racist asshole.

Per Gumbel:
"Finally, tonight, the Winter Games. Count me among those who don't like them and won't watch them ... Because they're so trying, maybe over the next three weeks we should all try too. Like, try not to be incredulous when someone attempts to link these games to those of the ancient Greeks who never heard of skating or skiing. So try not to laugh when someone says these are the world's greatest athletes, despite a paucity of blacks that makes the Winter Games look like a GOP convention. Try not to point out that something's not really a sport if a pseudo-athlete waits in what's called a kiss-and-cry area, while some panel of subjective judges decides who won ... So if only to hasten the arrival of the day they're done, when we can move on to March Madness - for God's sake, let the games begin."

Shut up, Gumbel.

1 - The ancient Greeks may not have skated or skied, but I'm pretty sure that they would have been happy that the Olympics have moved with the times in order to remain one of the greatest sporting events the world will ever know.

2 - Do not call a skater a pseudo-athlete just because someone (and I bet it was a member of the media) decided to coin the term for the scoring waiting room the "kiss and cry area." I'd like to see your sorry ass do a quadruple lutz.

3 - Your words regarding the paucity (by the way, for those who are not pompous asses, the word paucity means "an insufficient quantity") would hold a lot more water if blacks weren't allowed to participate in the Olympic winter games. As far as I know, there are no rules keeping blacks out.

Furthermore, your comments lead readers to believe that if blacks did participate, they would be superior to other athletes competing. That's just plain elitist, not to mention racist.

Did you ever stop to think that a large number of blacks just may not be interested in participating in these types of sports?

After all, according to Charles Barkley (during his appearance on the David Letterman show last week), "you know, brothas don't like the ice."

By the way, Bryant frigging Gumbel, I wonder what your white wife thinks about all this?

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Rock it to you

You know, I must say.

I am intrigued by the curling, and have enjoyed it immensely.

But recently I have had to watch it with the must button engaged. The incessant screaming is too much for me.

Friday, February 17, 2006

Olympic reports good as gold

I've never been a Jay Leno fan. But I may be now.

Have you caught the on-location Olympic reports by Tom Green and Ross the intern on the Tonight Show?

If you haven't, I implore you to take a look next week.

Leno gets major props for having these guys at the Olympics. Their reports have been laugh-out-loud funny.

Give 'em a try, wouldja?

Thursday, February 16, 2006


Where in the HELL are the Olympics taking place?

Is it Torino or Turin?

Please help.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Time savers

Is it bad that, with the advent of TiVo and DVRs, I now absolutely refuse to watch anything at "real time?"

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Happy Valentine's Day!

I would like to take a moment to wish my special someone a Happy Valentine's Day ...

Who needs a guy when you have this waiting for you at home?

And you can bet this guy won't pout if you don't put out just because it's Valentine's Day.

Monday, February 13, 2006

I may be coming around

I'm a little scared. Todd is slowly convincing me that maybe I do need an iPod.


Sunday, February 12, 2006

LilRed's bodily function alert: Fear the spear

I had a chicken pasta dish with mixed vegetables yesterday.

There was one asparagus spear.


Apparently that was all it takes because I am still suffering the repercussions.


Saturday, February 11, 2006

Which is worse?

Running out of ...

toilet paper?

or hot water?

Friday, February 10, 2006

Maybe I need to rethink this

I figured it out. The reason I haven't found the need for an iPod is two-fold:

1 - The FM side of my car radio has been broken for about a year now. So luckily, I haven't had to listen to crap like Britney Spears and "Laffy Taffy" (thanks, Nicole!) for quite some time.

2 - For the past five years, I have been addicted to sports radio, which I pick up on my AM dial anyway.

But the thought of being able to listen to all of my fave 80s hits at any time, commercial free, does sound rather enticing ...

Thursday, February 09, 2006

So it looks like the more appropriate question would have been ...

... am I the only person who doesn't care about owning an iPod?

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

More Grandpa stuff

My Grandpa cracked me up. He was gruff as hell; didn't have much to say. But when he did, it was usually a lively conversation.

My mom told me the other day that he hated the word "piss."

I think that's funny. I wonder what made him loathe that particular word.

Maybe it's because someone ascared the piss out of him once.

Man, I bet he was pissed.

Miss you, Pa.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Am I the only person ...

... who doesn't own an iPod?

Monday, February 06, 2006

You tell me - #16

I ran across a young woman on TV a couple of nights ago who had the thickest southern accent I have ever heard. Sometimes it is easy to find this kind of drawl charming, but not for this girl.

But then I started thinking ... which is easier on the ears?

A slow, twangy southern accent?

Or a quick, nasal east coast dialect?

You tell me.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

By the way ...

... in case you were on pins and needles, my bald spot is healing quite nicely.


Saturday, February 04, 2006

A question of Olympic proportion

So I gotta know.

Will you watch the Winter Olympics?

If so, which events?

If no, why not?

Friday, February 03, 2006

A scary thought

I just remembered something from my childhood that, boring as it may be, I thought I'd share.

When I was a wee young lass I used to put an "a" in front of the word scared.

So, I might say something like, "I'm ascared of the deep water." Or, "I'm ascared of that big dog."

One day I used the word "ascared" in front of my Grandpa. I could tell this perturbed him so.

"Why the hell do you keep saying 'ascared,'" he barked. Do you mean scared? Or afraid? There's no 'a' in front of scared!"

Needless to say, I felt like a complete amoron.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Verify that

Furthermore, couldn't they make the word verification system a little more fun by using words that make us giggle? Words like boobies. Or butthole.

OK, OK. Maybe those words only make me giggle.

But you get my drift.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Verify this

It irritates me just a tad that I have to word verify a comment I want to leave on my own blog. I mean, I understand and appreciate why we have the word verification option in the first place. But crap.

Friggin' spammers.

I'll say it again.

Friggin' spammers.

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