maro Lip Schtick: March 2006p

Friday, March 31, 2006

Tag! I'm it - #6

Unlike names or faces, I never forget a tag. This one came from Todd about a billion years ago.

1. Black and white or color?
It depends. Some photos look better in black and white. I am not, however, a fan of black and white television or movies.

2. What is the one single subject that bores you to near-death?
Politics. And stories about people's children (sorry, folks - just being honest). If you want to tell me a pet story, on the other hand, I'm all ears.

3. MP3s, CDs, tapes or records?
Records. The sound is richer.

4. You are handed one first class trip plane ticket to anywhere in the world and ten million dollars cash. All of this is provided that you leave and not tell anyone where you are going… ever. This includes family, friends, everyone. Would you take the money and ticket and run?
If it wouldn't absolutely kill my mother to not know what happened to me, I would do it in a heartbeat.

5. Seriously, what do you consider the world’s most pressing issue now?
I have two: global warming and religious intolerance.

6. How would you rectify the world’s most pressing issue?
Regarding global warming, I would make it mandatory that everyone recycle a certain amount each month. I would also make laws that call for monitoring automobile emissions.

Regarding religious intolerance, well, there is no good answer here. I couldn't even guess what the solution would be.

7. You are given the chance to go back and change one thing in your life; what would it be?
I would have broken up with the guy who I spent 7-1/2 years with at year five (when I wanted to) rather than listening to my mom and sticking it out (only to have him break up with me 2 1/2 years later).

8. You are given the chance to go back and change one event in world history, what would it be?
OK, people are probably going to jump all over me for this, but so be it. If I could ease one iota of Jesus' suffering during the crucifixion, I would. Ramifications to the world's history aside, that's what I'd do.

9. A night at the opera, or a night at the Grand Ole Opry?
If Loretta Lynn or Dolly Parton were appearing at the Opry, then the Opry it is. Otherwise, most definitely, the opera.

10. What is the one great unsolved crime of all time you’d like to solve?
JFK's assassination

11. One famous author can come to dinner with you. Who would that be, and what would you serve for the meal?
Since I just bought (but have yet to read) Mein Kampf, I'll say Adolf Hitler. I would serve a traditional Jewish meal.

12. You discover that John Lennon was right, that there is no hell below us, and above us there is only sky—what’s the first immoral thing you might do to celebrate this fact?
I have never truly believed in hell, so that would come as no surprise to me. But if "above us there is only sky," then I agree with Todd. Celebrating at this point would be useless for me if I was to find that after all, this is all there is.

Since it seems like everyone (besides myself) hates being tagged, I will not pass the baton.

BUT, if you do feel like joining in on this meme action, please oblige me and let me know that you posted this on your blog. I'd like to see your answers.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

The answer is ...

Bloggy pals Mick and Cissy want to know why I didn't post my answer in the inaugural edition of the weekly three.

Well, to be honest, it didn't occur to me at the time.

But I will certainly oblige as soon as I can find a pic to post of my first automobile in all its bad ass glory.

I know you'll be right over there waiting on the edges of your seats!

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

File this under ... WTF?


So this guy decides to create a sculpture of Britney Spears giving birth.

First of all ... I don't have children, but I'm pretty sure I would not try to birth a child by incorporating the position portrayed by the sculpture (and on a bearskin rug, no less).

Secondly ... didn't Britney deliver her child via cesarean because she was too afraid of the pain involved with vaginal childbirth?

For the love o'Pete ... if you're gonna do a sculpture like this (and I implore you - please don't) at least use someone as your subject who:

a - had the baby via the actual birth canal
b - is not a complete dillhole like Britney Spears.

Thank you, and have a nice day.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

She's baa-aaaaack ...

After a much needed hiatus, Lady Godiva has decided to take up blogging once again.

Why don'tcha take a gander at LG's Posts from the Edge?

Tell her welcome back, and that LilRed sentcha!

Monday, March 27, 2006

The weekly three - week 1

Here's something new I'd like to try: the weekly three.

The only rule is that you have to elaborate if you answer ... even if the question could be answered with a simple yes or no. The key here is for us all to get to know each other a little better.

Here we go ...

1 - In which type of dwelling do you reside: house? apartment? condo?
2 - What was you first car?
3 - Do you have a pet?

Don't worry. This is a new thing to Lip Schtick. The questions won't always be this lame ... in fact, I hope to eventually get kinda personal.

But for now ... baby steps.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

You forgot one

Entertainment Weekly has released its list of the 25 worst sequels ever made.

As Justin surely can attest, how the hell Grease 2 didn't make this list is beyond me.

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Snow job

A few days ago, bloggy pal Michele asked:

What signifies spring for you?

The next day, I woke up to this:

I'm not exactly sure what signifies spring to me, but this sure as hell isn't it.

Friday, March 24, 2006

OK, Charlie. You're insane.

Seriously. What is wrong with these celebrities who spout off about things they know nothing about?

And don't give me the "they're entitled to their opinions," crap.

I get it. They are entitled to their opinions.

But why is it that they feel the need to use their celebrity status to blow smoke up our asses in regards to their ridiculous paranoia?

In a recent interview regarding the 9-11 attacks, hooker-lover Charlie Sheen waxes about his conspiracy theory surrounding the events.

Said Sheen to his brother (regarding the fall of the south tower the morning of the attacks):

Call me insane, but did it sorta look like those buildings came down in a controlled demolition?


I would really like to know when Charlie Sheen became director of United States security.

Maybe that's what he has his hookers call him when they role play.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Who needs men?

Morning Glory and the Intuitive Woman noticed that I am reading a new book called Are Men Necessary? When Sexes Collide by Maureen Dowd.

They want to know how it is so far.

Well, I typically try not to give my synopsis of a book until I'm finished reading it, but here's a morsel until then:

I am 35, single, and have never been married. I have a great job, own my home, and have only a little bit of credit card debt (hey, who doesn't, right?). Also, at the risk of sounding a bit conceited, I think I am an attractive woman (fair skin, red hair, green eyes - the red is fake, so I'm not one of those redheads covered in funky freckles) with a good sense of humor. I have great friends and have no annoying family members to have to deal with (other than my mom). Plus, I love sports.

One would think that all of this makes me a catch? Correct?


According to this book, these traits ensure that I will never find a man.

I am past what men are genetically pre-disposed to believe are my child-bearing years (men don't even know they do this ... it's just ingrained in their DNA to look for younger women to bear children - even if these men don't really consciously think they want kids). The fact that I am independent is also a strike against me because men don't want to have to "compete."

So, it looks as though, as my mom always likes to say, "I'm doomed."

Oh well.

At least I'll always get the remote to myself.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Pleased to meet you! - #1

Last night I was telling fave blogger a how highly I thought of fave blogger b. Blogger a in turn mentioned that she would have to look blogger b up sometime.

That's when it occurred to me that maybe I should introduce them.

Nicole, meet the Incurable Insomniac.

Incurable Insomniac, meet Nicole.

Let the hijinks ensue!

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

I'm a little alarmed

I just got my annual home alarm system bill.


For the love o'Pete! I love my alarm system, but sheesh! And to add insult to injury ... they only give me two weeks to pay for it. Ugh.

So, friends. Do you have a home alarm system?

And, more importantly: do you use it?

Monday, March 20, 2006

Laugh and the world laughs with you, and you, and you, and you

It's true, I don't so much dig babies for the most part.

But I have to say, this is absolutely priceless (via my pal Steph, the Incurable Insomniac).

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Now read this - The Reagans: Portrait of a Marriage

The Reagans: Portrait of a Marriage
by Anne Edwards

You may have noticed this book in my sidebar forever. I had a hard time finishing it because work has absolutely worn me out to the point lately where all I want to do is come home, eat dinner, watch some TV, and go to bed.

But finally, I buckled down and finished it.

I've mentioned before that I am intrigued by the US presidency, but I'm even more intrigued about who these men are in their personal lives.

I had always heard that Ronnie and Nancy's love was so restrictive that they couldn't share it beyond themselves ... not even to their children. This book talks about the issue extensively.

But as dysfunctional as the Reagans may have been in their personal lives ... that fact does not diminish the intriguing nature of Reagan as president.

Don't get me wrong. This book doesn't try to paint Reagan as an untouchable who never made mistakes. Let's face it. Every president has one or two black marks during their terms. But The Reagans does do a good job in showing many sides of the man. And sometimes we forget - he, like every president, was just that - a man.

So try not to let your political party affiliation make the decision as to whether or not to read this book. If you're interested in the presidency, the president, and those who surround him in his personal as well as professional life, then you may enjoy this book as I did.

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Tag! I'm it - #5

My friend Nicole tagged me about a month ago (I told you I would not forget you!) and I am now ready to respond:

List seven songs you are into right now, no matter what the genre. Doesn’t matter whether they have words or even if they’re any good. The only requirement is that they must be songs you’re really enjoying right now.

Post these instructions on your blog along with your seven song choices. Then tag seven other people to see what they’re listening to.

*I'm going to change this up a little for two reasons.
1 - The FM side of my car radio has not worked for more than a year now. So, I have yet to hear a new song in that time.
2 - Loyal Lip Schtick readers know that even if my FM was working, I would still most often listen to sports radio of which I am addicted.

Therefore, I am giving you my fave seven songs of all time, rather than songs I love right now, because there truly are none.

All that said, laugh all you want at my choices. They may suck, but I love 'em.

Here goes:

1) Miss Freelove - by Hoodoo Gurus
2) Three Strange Days - by School of Fish
3) I Got You Babe - by Sonny and Cher
4) Alive - by Pearl Jam
5) Silver Springs - by Fleetwood Mac
6) Express Yourself - Madonna
7) Half Breed - Cher

Now, I pass the baton to everyone who wants to participate. But if you do, be sure to drop me a line to let me know what your choices are.

Friday, March 17, 2006


This Irish lass would like to wish you all a Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Now, if you'll excuse me, this Mc is gonna go eat some potatoes and get drunk.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Charge me with bracketeering

Like the commercial says ... I don't have "March Madness," I am knee deep in a cesspool called "March Sadness."

My bracket already looks like crap.

Thanks for nothing Marquette and Nevada!

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

The verdict is in

Jennifer has just informed me that apparently there is no God.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Between friends

Do you ever find yourself wondering if there really is a God?

I do. Quite often, in fact.

Until now.

Monday, March 13, 2006

Where there's smoke ...

This one's for my fellow Okla-homies:

Did anyone experience the wretched smell of fire last night at about 10:30? I swear I was convinced that my yard must be on fire the smell was so bad.

I'll say it again.

We REALLY need some rain.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Thanks, guys!

Thank you to all the folks who wished me well on my birthday. You guys are great ... but of course you already knew that.

I am back among the living (catching a cold always sucks, doesn't it?).

It'll be nice to get caught back up on the Lip Schtick tip very soon ... I truly appreciate the kind words.

Thanks again!

Monday, March 06, 2006

Happy friggin' birthday

Today is my birthday.

And wouldn't you know? I am sick as a dog.

Sore throat, clogged ears, stuffy nose, headache, body ache.

I hope this isn't a sign of the year to come.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

You tell me - #18

A few nights ago my total at Target came to $88.

Then I gave the cashier a stack of coupons which reduced my total to $76.

Hell yeah! I love to save $12!

So, my question is ...

... do you clip coupons?

You tell me.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

A helping handout

A lady outside Petco tonight stopped me to ask for money. She said she and her daughter were stranded. Whether or not she was lying, I don't care. I gave her a couple of dollars.

When I have done this in the past, some of my friends shake their heads.

I get it.

There are tons of "homeless" people out there who scam the public.

All I keep thinking is that if I can help the one legitimate person who needs it, then that's what I'll do.

Heaven forbid that I or someone I care about is ever in that position.

And if so, I hope someone will help me.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

You tell me - #17

Which would you rather achieve:

Olympic gold medal?


Academy Award?

You tell me.

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