maro Lip Schtick: May 2006p

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Tyra mail!

I am extremely upset.

Upset that I have not been watching America's Next Top Model since it first began.

I am sorry, but I cannot get enough of it (I catch the re-run marathons on VH-1)!

It's true, I may be losing brain cells, but that's OK.

Who needs brain cells when you've got bad TV to watch?

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

I'm getting there ... slowly but surely

Bear with me, friends. I do have about a gazillion pics from my European vacation, but now I just have to figure out what they are. We visited so many places that I wish now that I kept a journal.

I am still quite tired and jet-lagged; I actually got ill on the plane ride from Paris to Detroit (more about that later).

As soon as my body gets back to normal (as well as my cat's - again, more on that later), I'll be back to blogging.

Until then, thank you for all of the well wishes.

I missed you guys.

Monday, May 29, 2006

Remembrance







It may sound a little corny, but after being in Europe and seeing some of Hitler's devil work in person, I appreciate our veterans even more.

Thank you, Grandpa, for helping put an end to the horror of WWII.

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Live from Oklahoma City

I'm back.

I'm exhausted.

Europe is amazing.

Must sleep now.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Dag!

Whoot! Whoot!

I am writing from Holland!

First, let me start by saying, what a wonderful country!

Second ... I want to move here!

Amsterdam is more than I dreamed it would be ... absolutely beautiful. Took a boat today around the canals; visited the Anne Frank Museum (a must-see on your Amsterdam sight-seeing list); perused Dam Square (missed the red light district, but honestly, I don't think I missed anything - I can see mostly naked chicks back home).

The cuisine has been great ... better than expected.

Time for bed now; my body has not yet adjusted to the time diff.

Moving onto Belgium tomorrow.

FUN!

Saturday, May 13, 2006

So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye!

Well, I knew the time would come eventually. Time when I could no longer keep Lip Schtick going.

So, I have decided to take a hiatus for a few weeks ...

... because I'm on my way to Europe!

Ha! Did I fool you?

I may quit Lip Schtick someday permanently, but not now.

But until June, I bid you a fond vaarwel, auf wiedersehen, au revoir, arrivederci!

Don't worry. I'll bring you back something cool.

PS - My cat is OK for now. He is being boarded with the vet who is treating his thyroid disease. I'll let you know what happens when I get back.

Friday, May 12, 2006

Now what?

I had to take my cat to the vet yesterday because he has lost some weight, won't eat much, and seems to be extra thirsty.

It turns out he may have to have thyroid surgery.

It also turns out that I couldn't have received this news at a worse time.

Dang it!

Oh, by the way ... I also found ants in my room.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Life in the fast lane

I know I have complained a lot about being busy lately ...

... but for the love o'Pete!

When will things slow down?

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Oops! I did it again!

Crap! When will I learn?

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Tell it to Elliott

I don't care what anyone says. Elliott Yamin should be the next American Idol.

He proved that tonight.

True, he may not be the prototype for what most think of as the American Idol. But isn't that what makes him so great?

He has a fabulous voice, he emotes true emotion when he sings, and dammit, Janet, he just seems like a good guy.

Here's to hoping the American public gets it right ...

... for a change.

Monday, May 08, 2006

The weekly three - week seven

Hello, kiddies! You know the rules ... please elaborate, and have fun!

1 - Who is your fave Saturday Night Live character of all time?
2 - If there was one habit that you could break forever, what would it be?
3 - How many pairs of jeans do you own?

Remember, keep it real.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Tom-foolery

Did anyone catch Tom Hanks on Saturday Night Live this weekend?

I have to admit, I thought the show was a little disappointing.

But I gotta tell ya, there's something about a two-time Oscar winner saying things like "Please don't burn my testicles" and "anus-to-anus" that just cracks me up.

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Wickered witch of the west

Here's a little tip I learned today that I'd pass along (and yes, I speak from experience):

Never sit on a wicker chair for any amount of time ...

... while naked.

Friday, May 05, 2006

Heil storm

Earlier this week I watched several shows about Hitler, World War II and the Holocaust that I recorded on the History Channel.

On several occasions, Hitler was noted as "one of the worst criminals of the 20th century."

My question is ... wouldn't Hitler be considered the worst? I mean, I know there was a lot of evil crap that took place during the 20th century.

But in the grand scheme, wouldn't Hitler be the grand pooh-bah of heinousness?

I mean, not even WalMart could touch what this guy pulled off.

I'm just sayin'.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

The pressure's on

I went to the doctor this morning for a yearly breast exam. I have had fibrocystic problems since my late 20s (as did my mom at one time, my grandma, and my aunt).

And, because I am a little lax in doing my self exams ... I like to go to the doctor to have her make sure I am lump free. Plus, if she finds something, she can take care of it right then.

Unfortunately, all of the rambling I just went through is not the point of the story.

As a routine part of the exam, I had my blood pressure taken. This usually isn't a big deal, since my blood pressure is usually on the normal to slightly low side.

But today it was really low:

90/65

And then it occurred to me.

Why the hell am I worried about lumpy boobies when I am nearly a corpse anyway?

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Flower power

It is true that I never really paid much attention to ornamental flowers and landscaping until I bought a house.

Unfortunately, I am not one of those people who enjoys working in a flower garden. In fact, a couple of evenings ago I pulled a weed from the flowerbed, only to expose the world's largest earthworm.

Now, I realize that earthworms are harmless. This fact, however, did not keep me from soiling my pants a little as it writhed around in surprise of being unearthed.

But to get back to my original point: I hire landscapers to plant my flowers.

Not only do I not have to worry about encountering bugs if I planted flowers myself, but professionals just do a quicker and better job than I would.

So a few nights ago, I meet with my new landscaper to determine what kind of flowers I want to have planted. Since my flowerbeds are exposed to near total sunlight, I told him that marigolds tend to do well.

"Marigolds?" he chuckled.

"Yes, marigolds," I replied.

"You don't want to plant marigolds. Marigolds are old lady flowers. I haven't planted marigolds in years."

"My previous landscapers didn't have a problem planting marigolds," I rebuffed.

"Well, maybe your previous landscapers just didn't keep up with the styles."

Are you friggin' kidding me?

Not only do I have to worry about the latest fashion trends, beauty fads and jewelry styles ... but now I have to keep up with "what's new in horticulture?"

Who knew?

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

I have nothing to where

A friend of mine (we'll call her Ophelia) gave me a hard time not too long ago because of a spelling error I made on a previous post.

Ophelia: You misspelled wear on your weekly three. Did you mean to do that?

LilRed: What the hell?

Ophelia: On your weekly three. You spelled it where instead of wear.

LilRed: Oh, no. I didn't mean to do that at all.

Ophelia: I didn't think so ... you're such a freak about other people's spelling errors.

LilRed: That's true. I do get frustrated by the incorrect spelling.

Ophelia: I know. If someone else would have made the where mistake, you would have called me and I would have had to listen to you complain about it for hours.

LilRed: You're exactly right. I would have called you and you would have listened to my incessant bitching. Because that is the nature of my friendships. I bitch. You listen.

I just realized. It's a wonder I have any friends at all.

Monday, May 01, 2006

The weekly three - week six

It's about that time. The time of year when we start trying to lose weight, buy nicer cars, get hair plugs, and invent imaginary awesome jobs ... all in the hope of impressing people at our high school reunions.

So, in the spirit of high school days gone by ...

1 - Have you attended any of your high school reunions?
2 - Was it better or worse than you thought it would be?
3 - Did you fib a little to make yourself sound more impressive?

Bonus question:
4 - Did your old high school flame light your fire again?

Come on ... tell the truth.

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