maro Lip Schtick: August 2006p

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Life's burning questions - #2

Which sucks more ...

...doing laundry? Or doing the dishes?

I guess for some people, doing your spouse could be the suckiest chore. But that wasn't the question, now was it?

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Weight Watchers weigh in - week 13

10.4 pounds lost.

12 pounds left until I reach my goal.

Unfortunately, I didn't lose this week. Fortunately, I didn't gain.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Don't let it go

I am tired of hearing people say that New Orleans shouldn't be rebuilt.

I couldn't disagree more.

What happened to New Orleans is awful, it's true. And it will take a lot of time, effort and funds to rebuild. But I refuse to believe that it's a good idea to write off one of the oldest, coolest, and most culturally diverse cities in our country.

And I also refuse to believe that we don't have the technology to figure out a dam/dike system that could sustain New Orleans should further hurricanes present similar problems as Katrina.

Maybe we should take a look at the polder system in Holland to see if it could work here.

But we just can't let New Orleans go.

There is too much good food to be eaten, good music to be heard, and good times to be had.

And don't give this "where are we gonna get the money to rebuild?" crap.

We can find the money.

We always do.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Fire away!

A couple of days ago, my cat got very ill.

It seems that his thyroid medication makes him throw up on occasion. This is fine, because the poor little guy can't help it, and he also has an uncanny knack for moving onto the wood floor to spew, which makes for easy clean up for me.

But on this occasion, he gave me the double whammy.

As I was stroking him to calm him while he threw up, he shot out a poop.

Now, don't get me wrong. I have been known to puke and poop at the same time when I have been at my illest - and by "illest" I don't mean cool and hip, I mean sick.

But damn! Give me a "heads up," wouldja?!

No one likes being in the line of fire for the chocolate kitty cannonball.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

It's that time ...

Oh, for the love of Bud Wilkinson.

The start of the college football season is only a few days away.

Thank God.

Because I may spontaneously combust while waiting.

Boomer Sooner!

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Thanks, pals

I just noticed that somehow, Lip Schtick has reached more than 83,000 hits.

Very cool, considering I haven't been at the top of my blogging game for some time now.

You see, as loyal readers know, I have been trying to lose the 20 pounds that I put on during the past two years.

Mind you, I am not obese, and I do not want to lead people to believe that I am bigger than I am.

But for me, 20 pounds was unacceptable.

Especially considering that I gained the weight because I did absolutely nothing in the way of exercising, and can eat like a friggin' horse.

So, I joined Weight Watchers and took up running when I returned from Europe at the end of May. I am now up to four miles without walking (although I believe I might be wise to take up Jeff Galloway's run/walk plan very soon to help with my recovery time).

I have lost a little more than 10 pounds, and have enjoyed running immensely (I should clarify - I enjoy running immensely when I am finished running ... the "during" part sucks). In fact, I am running my third 5K race on Labor Day weekend, and hope to run my first 10K mid-September.

Which brings me to my original point.

Exercising takes time. It's a major commitment. And even though I am enjoying the benefits, I have decided that something has to slow down.

So it seems that Lip Schtick has taken a back seat, somewhat, to the exercising goals.

I mean, if I'm going to run the Oklahoma City Memorial Marathon next April, I have to keep going with my training.

So, bear with me, friends.

Hopefully at some point I'll be able to balance everything: work, running, blogging, friendships, my love of my cat, home maintenance ... you get the picture.

But for now, I'll just keep on keepin' on.

In the meantime, thanks for your support, 83,000 pals.

I appreciate you.

Friday, August 25, 2006

Sheep counters unite!

I haven't been sleeping well lately.

This is a regular occurrence for me, especially when we near the end of a season.

So, any advice you can give me on how to catch some better zzzzs would be most appreciated.

'Cause God knows I am one cranky biz-atch when I ain't been sleepin'.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Life's burning questions - #1

Broccoli stems:

Eat 'em? Or chuck 'em?

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Weight Watchers weigh in - week 12

10.4 pounds lost.

12 pounds left until I reach my goal.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006


Lately I have been trying to be a little friendlier to the environment.

I don't do much, mind you. But not much is more than I was doing before - which was nothing.

I have begun:
- recycling my plastics
- filling up the gas tank at night
- making sure my tires are properly inflated

Any other ideas?

What are you guys doing to help the environment?

Monday, August 21, 2006

White girl

Winter will be here before we know it (although that's a really hard fact to picture since it was 103 degrees today).

But I digress.

Growing up I always heard the fashion rule that there is to be no wearing of white post Labor Day holiday festivities.

But year after year, as summer temperatures continue to move well into October (around these parts, at least), I think this rule has become more and more obsolete.

So. All that aside, the past few years I have heard about the popularity of "winter white," and how it's OK to wear this shade in the fall and winter months.

Now, what I don't get, is what the hell makes winter white acceptable, when summer white isn't?

Can someone help me understand?

'Cause for the life of me, I just can't see the diff.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Who's your momma? (the spinoff)

My ma didn't take too kindly to my previous post about the thought of tradin' 'er in for a shiny new TV mom.

Which reminds me ... Cindy Walsh also has a sense of humor.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Who's your momma?

If you could trade your mom for any TV character mom, who would it be?

Sidebar: This question is for people who have dysfunctional mother/child relationships. If you have a great relationship with your ma, then we don't want to hear about it.

I would pick Cindy Walsh from 90210.

She's kind, generous, and, very much unlike my mom, can cook like a madwoman.

Friday, August 18, 2006

Bruno Kirby has died.

I'm a writer, and I know dialogue. And that's particularly harsh.

-Bruno Kirby as Jess in "When Harry Met Sally," my fave movie of all time.

I hope fellow "When Harry Met Sally" fans will help me wish Bruno a fond farewell as he heads for that great wagon wheel coffee table in the sky.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

You tell me - #21

A couple of days ago a friend e-mailed me one of those 30-questions thingies where you answer questions about yourself, then pass it on to the next person.

I found one particular question to be quite interesting:

Which are worse: liars or bigots?

So, whaddaya think?

You tell me.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Weight Watchers weigh in - week 11

9.2 pounds lost.

13.2 pounds to go until I reach my goal.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Proud to be an Okie

Listen up, Okie bloggers!

Mike is at it again ... he's assembling the noms (I can't believe I actually just said "noms") for the Okie Blog Awards!

So check out the rules and regs here.

Sorry, non-Oklahomans.

You aren't eligible to nominate.

Monday, August 14, 2006

And speaking of poop ...

... you know what really bugs me?

When I get out of the shower and all of a sudden I get the urge to, well, do a "number 2."

What the hell gives? Can my body not sense that I am clean, and therefore have no desire to lay the chocolate egg?

Now, I know right now you may be thinking, "Hey! A little too much information!"


But don't tell me the exact same thought hasn't crossed your mind before.

I'm just crass enough to commit it to writing.

Sunday, August 13, 2006


Someone found Lip Schtick today via the following search:

red fibers in poop

Now, I don't know about you, but I have never examined my poop well enough to discover fibers.

Don't get me wrong, I always give my work a glance before flushing. That way I know if I'm getting enough fiber, if I have too much iron, if I need to cut back on the corn consumption, etc.

Plus, I believe it's just good to know one's body and what, subsequently, said body outputs.

But red poop fibers?

Holy hell.

I don't need to know my bod that well.

Saturday, August 12, 2006

What's your magic number?

This weekend I was perusing my gazillion "Friends" episodes when I came across the one in which Richard wanted to know how many guys Monica had slept with.

Turns out, it was "definitely less than a ballpark."

So, my friends. What I wanna know is ...

... what's your magic number?

Too personal? Maybe.

But fun? Yes!

Friday, August 11, 2006

I wish I'd said it - #3

"I'm the best there is. I piss excellence and crap patriotism."

- Will Ferrell describing his role as Ricky Bobby in "Talladega Nights" on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Hot blooded

The weather forecast calls for a cold front to move through the Okahoma City metro area next week.

I don't believe I've ever looked more forward to 95 degrees.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Weight Watchers weigh in - week 10

7.6 pounds lost.

14.8 left until I reach my goal.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Itty bitty kitty

A friend sent me this today.

I had to share, because he is cute as hell.

And, I bet maintaining his litter box is a breeze.

I mean, how big could his poop possibly be?

Monday, August 07, 2006

Getting the shaft

I was listening to the local sports radio station not too long ago during a discussion about golf.

A fellow listener called in to ask:

Does shaft size matter?

Uh ... I don't know about the golf world, but in real life?


It matters.

Not that I would know - after all, my last date was in 1992.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

A mother's love

I like Melanie Griffith.

Who wouldn't like a mom who is classy and helpful enough to light her underage daughter's cigarette?

There should be more moms out there who set this type of example.

(Thanks, Us Magazine)

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Domo Arigato, Ms. Roboto

I don't care how useful she is ...

... she scares the hell outta me.

Friday, August 04, 2006

Crystal clear

Earlier today I heard a guy on the elevator make the following comment to a buddy (from what little I heard, I believe the two were discussing relationships).

"I mean, we don't have crystal balls."

Somehow I think he meant crystal balls, as in devices in which to see the future.

But in my mind, all I could think of were Waterford testicles.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

He's OUtta here!

I graduated from the University of Oklahoma and am proud to be a Sooners football fan.

And I am not the least bit upset that the ass clown formerly known as Rhett Bomar is gone.

What a seemingly selfish, arrogant, entitled cornhole.

I bet his dad is proud.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Weight Watchers weigh in - week 9

7.2 pounds lost.

15.2 left until I reach my goal.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

If you can't stand the heat ...

... well, tough.

Because right now, there's nowhere to go to get away from it.

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